


Tinder and Kindling

by Misdemeanor1331



Series: The Complications of Two-Way Dating [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Humor, Mild Language, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-12-12 09:12:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11734056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misdemeanor1331/pseuds/Misdemeanor1331
Summary: The last thing Harry Potter wants to hear about on a Monday morning is Hermione Granger’s accidental Tinder date with Draco Malfoy. But guess what’s first on his agenda?





	Tinder and Kindling

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my beta, the lovely and breathtakingly fast dormiensa, for her laughter and punctuation notes.
> 
> This was written for the DramioneLove Mini Fest 2016 on LJ. My prompt was: #46: Polyjuice, seduction, violation, Tinder, lawsuit. 
> 
> Warnings include mild swearing, use of Muggle-inspired technology, and ethically questionable use of Polyjuice Potion.

****

**Tinder and Kindling**

Harry drummed his fingers as the people to his left and right glared at each other across the table. It was far too early for this much animosity, especially on a Monday. He stifled a yawn and ran his hand through his hair. “Hermione, is this really necessary?” 

Hermione’s brown eyes flashed at him from the right, affronted. “How dare you even ask that, Harry?” 

“I, for once, agree with Potter,” Draco drawled from his left. “This seems wholly – ” 

“Shut it, _you_ ,” Hermione snapped. She stared at them both, daring either to speak. Satisfied by their silence, she lifted her chin. “I’d like to call your attention to Exhibit A – ” 

“Is this a conference room or a courtroom?” Draco interrupted. 

Hermione barreled on. “ – Modified two-way mirror that mimics the Muggle device called a _cell_ – ” 

“We all know what it does, Granger. Hell, I financed the damn thing!” Another quip from Draco, now tinged with frustration. 

“ – Has the ability to run applications, or _apps_ , most of which have – ” 

“Oh, come on. Everybody knows what _apps_ are! Potter?” 

Harry felt as desperate as Draco sounded. Delicately, he said, “Hermione, I’ve a busy morning. Would you mind? Please?” 

With a glacial glare, but keeping her reasonably civil tone, she said, “Last Friday, Ginny and I were out in wizarding London for cocktails, and she convinced me to sign up for Tinder, a social app adapted from Muggles – ” 

“The intent of which is obvious to anyone who’s ever opened it.” 

“ _For a laugh_. Damn it, Draco, can you keep your tongue inside your head for two minutes?” 

Draco crossed his arms over his chest, expression infinitely smug. “I recall you preferring my tongue elsewhere.” 

“Why you – ” 

Harry dropped his head into his hands and groaned. “Hermione,” he said loudly, interrupting her colorful invective. “What exactly do you want me to do about this?” 

“ _Arrest him_ ,” she hissed, pointing dramatically. “He tricked me into going out with him!” 

“I did not,” Draco replied. He sounded bored, but Harry saw a vein pulsing in his temple. “No one forced you to swipe left.” 

“It’s swipe _right_ ,” she corrected. “Don’t you even know your own tech?” 

“It’s still in beta,” he said with a shrug. 

“I wouldn’t have agreed to the date at all had I known you were Polyjuiced.” 

This time, Draco flushed. “It was only dinner.” 

“Which you flirted with me throughout. You _wanted_ to seduce me!” 

He raised an eyebrow at her and glanced sideways at Harry. Through a clenched jaw, he answered, “I _did_.” 

“And then you violated my body and my trust!” 

“That I bloody well did _not_ do!” Draco slammed his palm on the table and turned to Harry. “I don’t know what kind of lawsuit your friend is trying to build, but it’s all bullshite. Let me give you the truth of that night.” 

Draco bared his teeth at Hermione in a poor facsimile of a smile. “Yes, I was Polyjuiced that evening. It’s the only way I can go into wizarding London without being mobbed. And yes, my Tinder profile contains a Polyjuiced picture, because I can’t go on a date with a woman without her doing just about everything she can to trap me into marriage. We _both_ swiped _right_ , we _both_ enjoyed dinner, and when I dropped you at your flat, _you_ insisted I come up!” 

Hermione sat with arms crossed, her shining eyes locked on Draco as if she could bore a hole into his skull. “I was drunk, and you were going to – ” 

“You were pleasantly uninhibited,” Draco corrected, “and you know what I did after that.” He turned back to Harry. “The Polyjuice was up. I went to the bathroom as one bloke and came back as – ” He gestured somewhat hopelessly at himself. “ – me.” 

They both waited, looking at Hermione to pick up the story. 

“I saw him,” she admitted with the grimace of one who doesn’t favor the taste of crow. “And I told him to get the hell out of my flat before I called MLE.” 

“Which I did,” Draco said. “I went home, fell asleep, had a dull weekend, and this morning, I received an Owl that could’ve been carrying an official court summons for how long it was.” 

“Because you _tricked_ me and – ” 

“Into a free meal.” 

“– _kissed_ me as someone else.” 

Harry raised his eyebrows. Draco, who held himself rigidly under the accusation, broke the momentary quiet. 

“That I shouldn’t have done, and I apologize for taking away your choice in the matter. But was it necessary to start the Spanish bloody Inquisition for what could’ve been resolved as a conversation between adults? I had a nice time with you that night, Hermione, and I was sincere about wanting to do it again – as myself. Our conversation was authentic. Our connection, genuine. But your damn pride won’t let you admit that something between us could work. I thought you would be willing to look past who I am.” 

He pushed back from the table and blew out a breath, looking at her as if for the last time. Bitter disappointment played over his features. “Obviously, I was mistaken.” 

Heavy silence hung over them as Draco rose from the table and left without a backwards glance. After the door clicked shut, Hermione released a shuddering breath. 

Harry cleared his throat. “That go how you wanted it to?” he asked, knowing the answer. 

She stared at her hands. “I’ve made a mistake, haven’t I?” 

He suspected she needed to hear it aloud. “Yes, you have.” He stood and stretched, relieved that his role in this fracas was at its end. “Now, how are you going to fix it?” 

Harry gave Hermione’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze before leaving her alone to stew. As he shut the door behind him, he couldn’t help but chuckle and shake his head. Even the smartest people, it seemed, could be morons with love.

**The End**


End file.
